I'll admit it: I'm a road rager. The road is a situation unlike most interactions- it's one of the places we all go every day where if someone decides to be a jerk, they are literally putting people in imminent physical danger.

Without further ado: Chloroform's Advice for the Road.

1. If you are about to get off on an exit ramp, do not, do not, DO NOT slow down until you are actually IN the offramp lane. Going with the flow of traffic is what keeps us all relatively safe on the road, and if you slow down to 35 miles per hour while you're still in the slow lane, the twelve people who come roaring up behind you at 65 miles per hour are not going to be your friends. If you're lucky, the only thing that will happen to you is a baker's dozen of single-digit salutes. If you're not lucky, you're going to get severely injured. Sure, being rear ended means the other person loses the lawsuit. You, your neck, your spine, and your knees are going to lose the war, however.

2. Don't hot-rod on surface streets. If you get fed up with someone in front of you who is driving the speed limit and pass them, there is a decent chance that all you will accomplish is beating them to the next red light. And the next one, and the next one. Does this sound like something you do? Congratulations, you're a douchenozzle.

3. On that note, if the person in front of you on a surface street is not driving fast enough to suit you and you can't pass them, do not bright them. Do not tailgate them. They budgeted their time and you didn't; that's not their problem. Your failure to plan is not their emergency, and no amount of annoying behavior is going to convince them to take on the mantle of your lack of forethought. Incidentally, if you're already late somewhere, you're already late somewhere. Your boss is already annoyed at you, or your family has already started eating without you, or you are already missing the first few minutes of the movie. The damage is done, so chill out and use the drive time to come up with an excuse, apology, or meal, as the case may be. Also, most people know how to angle their rear view mirrors to bounce your highbeams back into your eyes. Just something to think about.

4. In possible defense of the jerk in 3, don't drive 25 in a 45 zone. It's just as bad (and just as dangerous) as driving 65 in a 45 zone. If you're looking for a street and you miss it, rest assured that when you loop back around, you will know exactly where it is.

It's like people lose IQ points when they get behind the wheel of a vehicle.

5. Pick your nose in your car if you want to. But people can see you, you know.